I’ve known for months that this whole injury thing was going to end in surgery. During all this time that I’ve navigated the labyrinthine medical system — with constant referrals, tests, follow-up appointments and a lot of running around in circles – I’ve felt a little removed from the reality. In other words, the gravity of having surgery hadn’t really hit me because I’ve been running around in circles trying to get there.
Just the other day someone at work asked if I was bothered about surgery. They phrased this in graphic terms that would make a lot of people squeamish, and they were surprised by my calm reaction. It still hadn’t hit me.
This week I received the surgery packet with the exact time of the appointment, instructions on how to prepare, and other important details. We’re now inside of two weeks from the actual event, and it has now finally hit me. This is really happening.
Even though I’ve supported countless friends and family with their surgeries, I’ve never had one before. I’m not the kind of guy to get spooked by needles or medical facilities, but I am now getting a little nervous. My feeling now is similar to my only other phobia, which is a slight fear or flying. My mind knows that airplanes are one of the safest methods of travel, but I still feel weird when cruising at 30,000 feet. The same goes for this surgery. I’m aware that it is a routine, simple procedure, but I’m now feeling a little creeped about the idea of someone operating on me while passed out.
All that said, I couldn’t be more ready. In the last few weeks and months, there has been little improvement. There are good days and bad days. Even though the trip to Miami was a nice reprieve from the cold, the pain still exists. There is a constant burning sensation in the hip and groin region. Even though I can usually feel it in some capacity, sometimes it is worse than others. I’m looking forward to not feeling it again.
Many friends have given me advice. Immediately after the surgery, I am going to be in more pain than I can probably imagine. That’s going to suck. That’s also part of it. It is worth it to endure some tough days and weeks in order to get past this, and get back outside again.
There’s a lot of preparation to be done, but it is also important to treat myself and have some good times before starting with the recovery. We’re already talking about having a nice steak dinner on the evening before surgery, an indulgence that I rarely take anymore.
From here on out I’ll be counting down the days.